If the child does not obey the rules
Today, child psychologists disagree on how to properly educate children, how to apply the principles of positive discipline, which rules are suitable for different age groups of children, etc.
You can often hear from parents: “We tried to set the rules for our child. We explained that if a child violates them, consequences will await him. We did everything we could – and it did not give any result. Our child remained uncontrollable (rude, impudent, etc.). If you are raising a child, you may have come up with similar thoughts.
Many parents have tried all possible ways to discipline the child, and are still confident that nothing works. The fact that the child does not react to any means of teaching him discipline only annoys his parents. If all of this is familiar to you, ask yourself a few questions:
1. Am I consistent in my rules or apply them from case to case?
Consistency in the rules of discipline is necessary in order to raise a child effectively. If parents apply consequences in raising a child only occasionally, he can quickly understand that the parents are inconsistent and can change their mind. The child may try to take advantage of this. For example, he might think: “I will try to break the rules – maybe they will not punish me.”
It may be helpful for parents to try to be more consistent in their rules before thinking that the consequences for the child are not working.
2. Is everything at the same time in this situation?
Sometimes it happens that other relatives (grandparents, etc.) are not aware of the rules and consequences that you establish for the child. Sometimes they deliberately break the rules when you are not around. This can be a problem.
Children always take an example from their parents, but other close relatives can also influence them. In such situations, it is worth taking the initiative into your own hands and making sure that everything is at the same time in raising a child. It will only be for the good of the child.
3. Do I track my child’s behavior?
For this you can use the “table of responsibility”. This is a good way to explain to your child the rules, household chores, or desired behavior, and to tell you what consequences await him if he does not follow the rules.
The advantage of this method is that it can quickly put an end to disputes with the child about whether you are fair to him. You can always justify your actions by the fact that “it is written in the table.”
If the child does household chores or follows the rules, he will receive a check or star. If not, you can ask the child: “What are the consequences for what you did (or, conversely, did not)?”
“Responsibility Tables” can help your child become more independent. They also help him strengthen his self-confidence because the child begins to think: “I can be organized. I can finish the job. I’m fine fellow. I can do a lot. ”
4. What consequences do I apply? Are they strict enough?
The consequences are most effective when the child is temporarily deprived of privileges – can not watch TV, play computer games, walk with friends, etc.
If the consequences are too mild, the child is unlikely to want to obey. When parents establish a rule and demand its observance, while remaining adamant, but loving, when they apply the consequences for non-observance of these rules, they render a huge service to the child. They are not evil – they simply effectively raise a child.
After all, if not the parents will teach the child that each wrong choice is followed by bad consequences, then who?
Therefore, before believing that the child is uncontrollable and does not obey any rules, parents must answer the four questions described above and adjust their approach. And a child who previously seemed naughty will change.
When the child grows up, he will be deeply grateful to the parents for their love and those life lessons that they taught him.