A child likes to command: how to solve a problem
It may be difficult for you to believe that your child wants you to go up the career ladder. Representatives of prestigious professions (lawyers, businessmen, company leaders, etc.) have one thing in common: their children love to command.
Do you remember how parents in childhood gave you everything you wanted? You didn’t even need to say a word, but only to show what you wanted – and your parents immediately brought it to you. If you didn’t like something, you grumbled displeasedly, and your parents eliminated what annoyed you. Most likely, this was not the case in your childhood, but this is often the case with modern children.
On the other hand, pay attention to how you behave with other adults. You are not inferior if someone is trying to take your place in traffic. You can sometimes keep silent in a dispute with the head or teacher of your child in kindergarten, but in general you behave confidently and with dignity.
However, everything changes when your child begins to command. Regardless of your position and how many people you have subordinate to, you are ready to fulfill any whim of his. You can sit in a chair and work, but when a child declares that he wants to sit in a chair, you immediately give way to him. You do not like the child playing with your wedding ring, but still give it because you know that the child will not lag behind.
This behavior of the parents has its own explanation. Of course, you want your child to feel that they love him, appreciate him and listen to his words. Due to the busy work schedule, you cannot spend as much time with him as you want, but do not like to see him sad or upset. By your actions you want to prove to the child that you are on his side.
The problem is that when you allow the child to command, he does not become calmer from your care and support. You may think that the child feels happy when he commands in the house, but in fact he worries, each time becoming more and more frightened. He does not learn that he can rely on you, but he cannot understand why no one controls him.
Imagine that you are sick and do not know what exactly is wrong. You feel bad and worry that the medicine may not be suitable for you, and when the doctor enters the room, you tell him: “Doctor, I don’t like taking antibiotics.” Instead of examining you and telling you what the problem is, the doctor replies: “Well, no antibiotics. I understood”. He writes you a homeopathic remedy with the words that this should help. You say, “Wait, don’t you examine me?” But the doctor is confused and does not answer.
Or imagine another situation: you board a plane, complain to the flight attendant that it is dirty in the cabin, the pilot hears this and cancels the flight.
Sounds funny, doesn’t it? But the child in situations when you perform all his whims, can not understand why you are not in control of the situation. He is simply trying to attract your attention and assert himself, but does not want to constantly command.
For each case when the child demands something or is naughty, his feelings lie.
At first, he has fun from the fact that he feels his power and makes his parents obey. But then he feels terrible. He expects you to ensure his safety. Just as you feel calmer knowing that someone more competent is in control of the situation, your child will feel better knowing that you are the main person in the family.
Understanding your responsibility for the situation, you can change your relationship with your child. Face it: an adult who does all the whims and completely obeys a child is not as cute as you might think at first glance. Such adult behavior only worsens the situation.
The child will not “outgrow” such behavior. It will not help that you try to talk with the child in his language and accept his point of view. Over time, your debate about different situations (the need to go to sleep, the child’s desire to go to a party with friends, his unwillingness to learn lessons, etc.) will only worsen.
Your feelings of pity and disappointment, when you are forced to give in to a child who is demanding something from you, will only increase over time. Before you realize this, your sweet baby will become arrogant and demanding.
Even if you refuse to fully believe in this, understand that you are competent enough and old enough for your child to obey you, and not vice versa. Listen, evaluate and adequately respond to your child’s requirements. For example, you can tell him: “I understand that you want to sit in a chair, but I’m already sitting here. You can sit on my lap or on the couch ”or“ I know that you want to play with the wedding ring, but it will remain on my finger. You can look at it or play with something else. ”
Such answers may seem unnatural to you, but soon you will learn this. Such answers will lead to what…