How to talk with a child so that he listens to you
Olga, the mother of 9-year-old Maxim, often says to her son: “Turn off the TV! You watch it all day! ” “No, now my favorite cartoon is coming, and I want to watch it to the end.” “Turn it off now and clean the room!” – “No, I will watch a cartoon!” In the end, Maxim succeeds: he watches TV, and Olga herself has to clean her son in the room.
Many mothers around the world face this problem. Consider how to talk with children so that they listen to you.
How to make a child listen to you
Parents often feel that they are wasting time trying to get their child to do something, and they ask themselves: “Why is he not listening to me? Why is it so hard for him to follow my instructions? How to make him begin to listen to me? ”These questions do not go out of their heads.
If you ask yourself these questions, tips on how to get your child to listen to you and follow your instructions will help you.
1. Attract the attention of the child
Do you want your child to listen to you? Get his attention first. Children obey you only when they pay attention to what you are saying. Otherwise, the child simply perceives sounds, but does not perceive the content of your words. But how to make a child pay attention to your words?
eliminate all distractions (TV, computer, sound sources in the room, etc.);
when you say something to a child, be near him so that he can correctly perceive your messages;
When speaking with a child, be on par with him. If necessary, sit down and look into his eyes during a conversation.
Show your child an example of how to pay attention to the words of others. When he speaks to you, take your mind off all affairs and listen to him.
2. Speak specifically
Speak to your child in essence. When you ask him to do something, do not use long and abstract phrases. Speak briefly and simply. This will make it easier for your child to understand you. Most often, the child does not follow your instructions simply because he forgets what you told him. And the reason for this is your verbosity.
There are several ways to make your child hear you without using too many words:
use a few words – best 2-3. For example, instead of the phrase: “You need to brush your teeth before going to bed,” say: “Brush your teeth.” Or, when you want the child to go to his room, say: “Go to the room”;
give the child one instruction at a time. This is the best way to make sure that it follows all your instructions. If the child has several tasks, wait until he completes the previous one before voicing the next;
if you want to give the child several instructions at once, explain to the child the sequence of their implementation. List them, for example: “First, feed the dog. Secondly, walk her. Thirdly, wash your hands when you get home. ”
3. Give the child the necessary information
If you want the child to listen to you and do everything correctly (for example, set the table), make sure that he knows the method and sequence of actions: what he should put on the table, how many plates and cutlery should be and how to place them correctly.
4. Speak, Do Not Ask
“Darling, can you pass me the salt?” Is the question. It can be answered in the affirmative or negative. Therefore, if you want the child to follow your instructions, you need to always be affirmative. Therefore, you do not need to ask him, but you can, for example, say: “I want you to clean your room right away” or “Please put on your shoes.” You need to tell the child what he needs to do, and not ask him if you want him to do his job.
5. Give your child time to process the information.
Many teachers in schools use the “wait time” technique. You can use it too. When you tell a child something, wait 3 to 7 seconds so that he can process the information and understand what he needs to do. That is how the child learns the school curriculum best.
Some children may need only a few seconds to understand what you are telling him. Therefore, if the child does not answer you immediately, this does not necessarily mean that he is ignoring you. He’s just trying to figure out how to react. Give him some time.
6. Check if the child understood you correctly
When the child responds to your words, make sure that he understood correctly what he needs to do. For example, if a child is rude to someone and you demand an apology from him, he should know what exactly he has to say. In the same way, when you ask your child to set the table, he should know what needs to be done.
7. Give your child a choice
Not all children follow instructions equally well. When you tell your child what to do, he can resist and rebel, especially in his teens. What to do in this case?