Fear-Based Parental Mistakes
Parents forbade something to many of us in childhood. Sometimes we heard the word “no” too often.
But years later, when we have our own children, we begin to understand our parents. Raising children is not an easy task. Parents can be good-natured and love their children indefinitely, but out of a sense of fear they use the wrong patterns of behavior. Try not to resort to such behaviors in dealing with children.
1. Excessive custody. Worrying news and phobias keep many parents at bay. However, life goes on. When fear controls our actions, it negates our good intentions. Anxiety for the child turns into control, looking after him into supervision, and protection into excessive custody. Sometimes, due to excessive custody, parents are tempted not to let the child out of the house, but this only suppresses him. If you do not allow your child to play on the court with other children, go to birthdays, etc., he will not be able to develop the communication skills that he needs. Let your child communicate with peers.
2. Default bans. Parents often wonder: “When will the child begin to understand the word“ no ”?” If you occasionally forbid something to the child, this teaches him to distinguish which behavior is acceptable and which is not. But, when a child gets older, parents use the word “no” by default. The child begins to feel that any talk about forbidden things is useless. This becomes an obstacle in the child’s communication with parents. In addition, in such cases, the child receives a signal that his arguments and notions of right and wrong cannot be trusted.
3. Restriction of the child in everything. As the saying goes, one head is good, and two is better. If you advise your child what to do in a given situation, you will help him cope with problems. But, if you do this all the time, you will limit the child. Even if your child is not yet a year old, you should understand that he is a separate person, and not part of you. He needs to express his independence in order to learn how to solve life problems. You should tell the child as often as possible the phrase: “You yourself can do it.” When a child tries to climb onto a sofa, do not interfere. Do not help him, just hedge in case the child stumbles. The child needs to be motivated to do everything on their own. Allow the child to make mistakes; do not demand ideal actions from him.
4. Constant suspicion. “What’s in your hand?” “What are you chewing?” “In the children’s room, it’s been quiet for ten minutes. What is happening there? ”Of course, raising a young child requires special vigilance, keen hearing and vision from parents. But the upbringing of children should change as they grow. Yes, getting older, children can trick and resort to lies. But this does not mean that they always pursue bad goals. For example, if your teenage daughter tells you that she is not feeling well, this does not mean that she is pregnant. Sometimes children are even met with hostile suspicions of their parents. They receive a signal that they can only get parental approval when they follow their instructions. This may form their fear of not living up to expectations. In the future, they may have a tendency to concede in everything and try to please others. It can be very difficult to get rid of such patterns of behavior.
5. Following obsolete ideals. Probably, our parents also thought that they were not raising us as well as they were raising them. Worrying about following cultural norms in parenting is fine. We want to raise our children in accordance with the ideals that we have adopted from previous generations. Therefore, we constantly ask ourselves questions: are we not too strict with our children? Are we spoiling them too much? Are we giving them enough support? Do we communicate enough with our children and express our love to them? Allow yourself to be different with your children. In some situations, the role of a strict mentor is best suited, and sometimes you can give your inner child an outlet and fool around a bit.