How can parents get closer to their child?
There is a big difference between helping a child and doing something for him. Parents often believe that if they solve his problems for the child, he will love them more. But this is likely to lead to the fact that the child will grow up capricious and confident that everyone around him should. However, if you help the child correctly, you can become close to him and develop a strong character in him.
A healthy way to help a child who is struggling with difficulties is to understand how he is feeling and not to try to fix it. When parents do not put their feelings about the situation in the first place, but listen to the feelings of the child, they show empathy towards him. When a child feels that he is understood, he does not feel lonely and becomes more self-confident.
An obstacle to the manifestation of empathy may be that parents may think: “I can not talk about this with the child, because I have not encountered such situations.” However, the point is not in the situation, but in the feelings of the child. For example, imagine this situation: your daughter’s best friend suddenly moves to another city. You may not have encountered this in childhood, but most likely you know what loss is, the fear of loneliness and the anxiety that you will have to build relationships with new friends anew. Empathy is easier if parents focus on the feelings of the child, rather than trying to correct the situation.
Listening to feelings and staying in the present is very important. For example, imagine this situation: your daughter admits to you that she is afraid to go to school without her friend. Focus on her feelings: “You look sad and scared. I’m sorry. You have every right to be sad. If I were you, I would be sad too. I understand you”.
Reflection and recognition of the feelings of the child calms him and brings him closer to his parents. In such an emotional state, he better accepts the support and advice of his parents. So tell him: “I know that it hurts you, and you feel lonely. I will always be there. ”
Typically, the manifestation of empathy is enough to help the child. With parental support, a child can find a way to cope with their difficulties. With this kind of support, your daughter can quickly make new friends. She will not only gain faith in her strength, but also will draw closer to you.
Psychologists say that a child’s safe attachment to parents helps him avoid depression and anxiety. By showing empathy, you form his attachment to you. Empathy includes four components.
1. Emotional reaction and self-awareness. This is the ability of parents to momentarily feel what the child feels, while maintaining self-control, realizing that you remain parents. If you lose your temper, it will not help to cope with the situation, but only exacerbate it.
2. The ability to see the situation from the point of view of the child. It is very important not to impose your point of view on the child, but to try to understand his position. For example, the phrase: “I have never had a best friend – and I’m fine. Just make new friends ”- it will not help, because she denies the feelings of the child.
3. Emotional regulation. Putting themselves in the place of the child in order to understand his feelings, parents do not allow surging emotions to prevail. Their task is to calmly and sympathetically inform the child that they understand his feelings.
4. Understanding the situation. Parents should be mindful of the difficulties the child is facing. For example, a teenage girl will have a harder time enduring separation from her best friend than a primary school student. Peer relationships are especially important in adolescence.
Helping a child who has difficult feelings is very important. But you must do this so that the child does not begin to think that everyone owes him. Empathy and empathy are a good way to maintain intimacy with a child, to strengthen his character and self-esteem.